Interview With Danny Ainge

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Interview With Danny Ainge

Post by dboss on Fri Jul 05, 2013 1:44 pm

Much has happened since we last interviewed Danny and doc down in Florida.  Doc has been traded to the Clippers and KG and PP will become members of the Nets.  We just drafted a couple of centers, hired a new coach and stocked the roster for the Orlando summer league.  A lot going on here.  We asked Danny to share some thoughts with us about what us fans can expect from the Celtics this year and what went into his decision making . 
 
Interviewer:    Danny the last time we spoke you told us that doc was coming back.  What happened?
 
Danny:  Beats me… I was surprised as anyone that Doc no longer was up to the challenge of coaching the Celtics.
 
Interview:  Can you give us a timeline on how this developed?
 
Danny:  It actually started over a year ago.  Chris Paul approached Doc about coaching the Clippers.  Doc laughed it off until this past year when we tried to pull the trigger on the KG for Jordan/Bledsoe trade.  Doc  decided right then that he may not come back and coach if either KG or PP were traded.  Those guys are his security blanket…literally.  On road trips they used to sneek into doc’s room at night and put a blanket over him because Doc suffers from this re-occurring cold-sweat nightmare where his team is on an endless losing streak.  This has been going on for years.
 
Interviewer:  fascinating!...
 
Danny:  and that is only part of the story.  The reason why Chris Paul approached Doc is because this was a way to get back at Rondo whom Chris hates with a passion.  He thought by stealing Doc away Rondo would be hurt. 
 
Interviewer:  So clandestine!
 
Danny:  Rondos’ happy as shit.. so that ain’t going impact him at all.
 
Interviewer:  And tell us about the nets deal
 
Danny:  The Nets called me and asked if they could speak to doc and I said go fuck yourself.
 
Interviewer:  That was a  STRONG NO…
 
Danny: Yep…but I was just setting them up for the kill.  I knew they wanted KG and PP and I’m thinking I can take care of all these issues at once.  I love KG and PP but as anyone can see their productivity has diminished over the years.  KG was a real warrior in the playoffs and paul tried his darndest to play well but it was time for a change so I made it happen.  Those two are tied at the hip so it was easier than you think.  It will be great watching Paul try to play with Joe Johnson.  They despise each other.  And I hate the Russians.  This was like shooting a torpedo into a sinking ship.  And Terry is a zombie infiltrator.  The tattoo is actually a remote control device that will sabotage their offense.  He had it installed in china town and we told him not to go there.  He couldn’t make a jumper all year.
 
Interviewer:  And what about the compensation?  Picks and players.  Do you think we got a fair deal.
 
Danny:  Absolutely.   The picks provide assets.  As you know, I honor draft picks.  The players we took back however are up in the air.  Wallace is still running around with that California Curl which looks so tacky and Humphreys may still be suffering from that awful disease known as Kardasianitis.  Bogans got a bogus salary increase.  I like the kid Brooks though.
Interviewer:  So with all the players on the roster you have a lot of work to do.
 
Danny:  Yes…We’ve retained Vinny ‘the razor” who should be able to make some of these players disappear.  According to the CBA there is nothing that prevents us from killing off a few players.  We’ll slice that roster down to 15 before you know it.
 
Interviewer:  I would like to turn our attention toward Rajon Rondo and all the trade rumors. 
 
Danny:  Like I said before I will answer the phone because it is part of my job description.  If someone calls to inquire about a player I always listen.  I have no immediate plans to trade Rondo.  We expect him to be ready by training camp.  He is part of our core group of players to build around. 
 
Interviewer:  Rumors persists that Rondo was the cause of Doc leaving the Celtics.
 
Danny:    OK….Rondo and doc had a love hate relationship.  Doc told me that he let Rondo call a few plays and then Rondo wanted to call all of the plays and when doc would not let him call plays Rondo got made and decided to highjack the team from Doc.  It came to a head a few years ago at practice when Doc was showing the team some film and pointing out to everyone all the mistakes that Rondo was making.  Ronda got made and cussed Doc out New York style.  Doc told him to leave and rondo refuses  so doc began chasing Rondo around the court.  It was the funnest thing I have ever seen.  Doc got a real bad back and Rondo was using his speed and quickness to get away.  Rondo has excellent speed and quickness and was able to anticipate doc’s every move.   Rondo is clairvoyant and can see 2 moves ahead.  Doc had no chance.  Finally Rondo just left practice.  The next day rondo came in met with doc and apologized for being an asshole and doc apologized for also being an asshole for showing up Rondo.
 
No team needs more than one asshole so doc had to go.
 
Interviewer:  Thanks for sharing
 
Danny;  Don’t mention it…to anybody or we’ll put you on Vinny’s list.
 
Interviewer:  hah, ha
 
Interviewer:  Ok can you tell us about drafting Olynick and Iverson.
 
Danny:  Olynick was on our radar for a few years.  We like his offense and want him to play PF.  Iverson is just a big shit kicking cowboy from South Dakota that should give us some depth at center once he returns from Europe.
 
Interviewer:  The scouting report indicates that Olynick is not a very good rebounder, is weak in the post and cannot defend because he is slow to slide over and he has really short arms for a 7 footer.  Could you comment on that?
 
Danny:  We know he is not a good defender so that is why we want to turn him into a stretch 4.  He will also need surgery before the season starts to add six inch extensions on his arms to lose the alligator profile.   As they say you can’t teach height but you can grow arms.
 
Interviewer:  Coach Stevens..
 
Danny:  yes
 
Interviewer:  You said that you were in no hurry to hire a coach and now it turns out that you had contacted Stevens a while ago. Is it fair to say that you were not being totally candid about your coaching search.
 
Danny:  Correct
 
Interviewer:  Why coach Stevens?  The last time the Celtics were going through a rebuilding process we hired Rick Pitino who was also a well respected college coach.  College coaches have in the past struggled to adjust to the pro game.  Why did you go this route?
 
Danny:  Stevens is a young, smart, innovative coach that should be able to relate to all of the young guys on the team.  This is a small risk high reward deal.  Plus we really did not want to pay a ransom salary to the next coach.
 
Interviewer:  So how will his coaching philosophy help the Celtics.
 
Danny:  Coach Stevens is a big believer in Cyborgenetics.  It is a process.  It begins with gathering the team around.  Sitting in a big circle on the floor.  Next the coach will give each player  a supply of the ABC wooden building blocks.  They are then free to use the blocks to construct whatever they want to.  If a player like Rondo for example gets mad and kicks over one of his teammates blocks he will immediately be put in a time out cage.  This system seems to have worked well in the past.  Next there will be no actual starting lineup.  At times there may appear to be a lot of untimely substitutions but in fact coach Stevens will be tapping into his hard analytical data that tells who should be on the court with whom for every second of the game.  It’s ingenious.
 
Interviewer: Wow that is really impressive.  It’s marvelous.  It’s so scientific.
 
Danny: It’s fantastic
 
Interviewer:  It’s unbelievable
 
Danny:  It’s mind boggling
 
Interviewer: It’s futuristic
 
Danny:  it’s innovative
 
Interviewer:  It’s space age
 
Danny:  It’s time to go!
 
Interviewer:  I just want to say that I am extremely happy with the Stevens hire, the draft picks, the trades and everything Celtics.
 
Danny: Well I can assure you that Vinny will not be contacting you anytime soon!
 
dboss


Last edited by dboss on Fri Aug 31, 2018 4:54 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Re: Interview With Danny Ainge

Post by RosalieTCeltics on Fri Jul 05, 2013 2:00 pm

dboss-you never fail us!! This was great! I started out thinking this was real! You had me for the first two paragraphs. You are great! Entertainment for a dull summer day.

Rosalie
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Re: Interview With Danny Ainge

Post by dboss on Fri Jul 05, 2013 2:04 pm

Thanks Ms Rosie

dboss
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Re: Interview With Danny Ainge

Post by mulcogiseng on Fri Jul 05, 2013 2:29 pm

the genius lies in making us think that it is not real
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Re: Interview With Danny Ainge

Post by dboss on Fri Aug 31, 2018 4:18 pm

I dug this one out and thought it may be fun to share it again
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