Miami's secret plan for keeping the team together

http://www.theonion.com/articles/erik-spoelstra-under-impression-big-3-will-take-pa,36330/

Love The Onion; only they could come up with stuff like this;

“LeBron, Dwyane, and Chris all understand that playing for me represents an opportunity they’re not going to get anywhere else in this league, and that’s more important than any paycheck."

As I recall they're also the ones who printed an article discussing the league minimum age saying "...and the league's maximum age will continue to be Kevin Garnett."

Regarding Kevin Garnett, if peeling these Onions doesn't make you cry with laughter, nothing will:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/kevin-garnett-mostly-just-pounding-chest-to-keep-h,35677/


http://www.theonion.com/articles/sources-clippers-in-talks-to-acquire-kevin-garnett,32895/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/kevin-garnett-cheers-up-injured-rajon-rondo-by-sho,31363/ MY FAVORITE

http://www.theonion.com/articles/hampered-kevin-garnett-to-see-age-specialist,27404/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/kevin-garnett-out-34-months-with-pounded-chest,10228/

Hadn't seen the MRI one...that could actually work!

Unrelated: Saw this when looking at the one about KG pounding his chest to keep his heart beating...

Congress Reluctant To Cut Funding For Tank That Just Spins Around And Self-Destructs

News• Politics• government• politicians• military• ISSUE 50•20• May 22, 2014

I prefer The Onion to the local paper by a wide margin.

Me too. They can get points across with satire that self-righteous intonations fail to deliver.

Although not the Onion I still have a few copies of the old National Lampoon floating around from by gone days in College

Favorite headline then

FORD AGAIN SHOT IN HEAD
BULLET IN CRITICAL CONDITION

later in the piece they quoted his wife Betty.


President Ford's outspoken wife Betty could only comment, "Thank God Jerry wasn't hit in a vital organ!"


beat