Interview With Danny Ainge

The following is an accurate account of a recent interview with Danny Ainge.  It took place at the Dedham Mall.   Danny offered to spring for lunch so I arrived here at Chipotle around quarter of one.  I just came from Dick's. I get coupons from them at least once a week.  Danny likes to keep you in suspense.  He may already be here but normally he likes to make a grand entrance.  This place is described as a fast food Mexican restaurante.   I always thought that Mexican Food was fast food.  The concept involves eating the food very fast.  The quicker it goes in, the quicker it comes out.  There's Danny now, he is being checked at the entrance for contraband.

Hi Danny as always thanks for the interview.  Please do not order for me.  Hey waiter, I'm going have lunch special #1 Speedy Gonzales 2 beef burritos, rice and refried beans and oh can you give me a side order of Jalapenos to wash it all down?  Thanks.

So Danny you really love this place.  I recall you brought Markelle Fultz here before the 2017 draft.
 
Danny:  I knew the interview with Futlz was just obligatory.  We had no intentions of drafting him but I needed to make the Sixers think we really wanted him.  I even gave them a look where we are tweet but they still didn't get it.

The worst thing about that Sixer deal is that Jerry won't stop calling me.  He is determined to undo the deal and claims he can get his old  job back.  I had to block his number.

Interviewer you don't say.  Hmmm these refried beans are cooked to perfection.  So Danny we have a lot to talk about.  We're halfway through the season.  The Celtics have been up and down more than a porn star in a triple X rated flick.

Danny:  That's one way to look at it.

Interviewer:  Who is this team right now.  How good are they?  Can they compete for the title this year?

Danny:  Becoming a championship team is a very difficult endeavor.  Everything has to fit together.  Players have to understand their roles and these guys need to be coached, even Kyrie.  They have had to adjust to changes in the rotation and a lot of other things.  I still believe we have enough talent to make it to the big dance.

Interviewer:  There were some recent dust ups.  The whole league and fans have been talking about it.  Jaylen Brown was pushed by Morris during a timeout.  Right in front of fans.  What was that all about?

Danny:  Hey waiter more ice tea please.
 
Interviewer:  so can you tell us what that was all about.

Danny:  As I explained to Jaylen's mom, Michalle, it was all staged.  Nothing really happened.  When we signed Morris we did so because we needed a thug type to make us scarier.  During the timeout Brad called a defensive set where Morris was going to intentionally foul his man and Brad asked him to practice on Jaylen first.  It had nothing to do with Jaylen not getting back on defense.  We already have punishment for that.

We secretly hired Big Baby Davis.  Whenever a player misses an assignment he gets treated like a baby.  Big Baby's only job is to sit on the player for 15 minutes while crying and sucking his thumb.  Our players really hate that and it seems to be working.

Interviewer:  What about the Kyrie and Hayward exchange after a last second play did not work.

Danny:  The media likes to make more out of things than they need to.  Kyrie is our go to guy.  He is best shooting just before the buzzer sounds.  He can do that.  He's ok now and he will get the next 5 last second shots.

Interviewer:  I see that Al Horford has been sitting out a lot of games.  He has already missed 10 games this year.  Is he going to be okay for the stretch run and into the playoffs?

Danny:  Ole Al is suffering from limp knee pain.  

Interviewer:  What's the short and long term prognosis?

Danny:  We decided to manage the knee.  That requires rest but when he plays we asked him to avoid jumping for rebounds.
 
Interviewer:  Danny I recall a while back you had to manage Sullinger's bad back and last year Kyrie's knee had to be managed.  In the end you had to shut both of them down for the year.  Is Al heading to that same situation?

Danny:  No I think we're good here.  As long as he doesn't rebound he can play.

Interviewer:  Thanks.  Now the other topic that is getting a lot of attention is Anthony Davis.  You want him right?

Danny:  Everybody wants AD.  He's a top guy to have on any team.
 
Interviewer:  No shit.  You'd love to have him.  What's it gonna take?

Danny:  I gotta take this call.  Hello, yes it is, when did it expire?  I'm here now, wish you had let me know earlier.  yeah thanks.
That was Corporate Chipolte.  My Eat-All coupon expired about 1/2 hour ago.  Do you have any loose change?

Interviewer:  I gotcha.  I take you to lunch.  What a hoot!

So about AD?

Danny: yea as I was saying he is really special and if there is a chance then we are prepared to pounce on it.

Interviewer:  Any idea what you would have to give up?

Danny:  Probably half the team and a ton of draft picks.

Interviewer:  That much huh...wow.

We are almost finished here but I want to take a couple of call ins.  I have this new mobile app that takes call from anywhere.  Can you take a few calls?

Danny:  sure.

Interviewer:  hello I am here with Danny Ainge.  Do you have a question for him

caller # 1 Hey this is Stephen A from First Take.  I thought  your guys were ballers but I was wrong.  I'm rolling with Golden State.  whatdoyathinkaboutthat?

Danny:  Go Fuck Yourself  Stephen A.  You're an asshole.

Interviewer:  hello caller hello.  Please turn down the music.  What' s your question for Danny

Caller #2 This is Vladimir.  You no Russians on Celtics. Russian is good.  Win bigtime..call donnie, he tell you good.

Danny:  These Russians are everywhere.

Interviewer.  hello caller.  Hi Magic.  Let me guess you want to speak to Danny.

Caller #3 Danny I know what you are up to.  Don't even try it.  The Lakers are all set to get Anthony.  We got Lebron and his agent in camp so give it up.
Danny:  still pissed off about the Lonzo thing.  You coulda had Jason but you listen to big mouth Lavar.  You got jack!.  Your in the lotto again, ha

Interviewer:  hey caller your on:

caller # 4 This is Bruce...from Attleboro?  You got any of that chipolte left?  Can you do a take out.  I am a long time Celtics fan and I want some chipotle too.  I am right outside in the parking lot.  You'll see my car.  It's the faded blue 1999 Buick.  It may not look like much but I made some modifications to it myself.  It did the route 2 run in under 5 minutes.

Danny:  Sorry Bruce we ate all the chipolte and are heading for an extended visit to the men's room.  Hey keep rooting for the Celtics.

Interviewer:  Well Danny this wraps it up.  Again thanks for taking me to lunch and I'll pick up the check.

Danny:  Anytime

LMAO that’s great dboss!!!!

Another in the series of outstanding dboss interviews with Danny Ainge!

The funniest comment was Big Baby sucking on their thumb, that will stop anyone in their tracks and then some...!!!!

Yes, and after that meal Danny will keep on tooting for the Celtics.

I am glad you guys enjoyed the interview.

A little comic relief is fun.

Pulitzer material.

Love this stuff. Provides SO much more value to the board than mere cut-and-paste work.


bob


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Dboss, you really bring it. Kudos.