Interview With Doc Rivers

We caught up with Dr Rivers in Orlando where he was taking his allstar break

Interviewer: Doc, the teams been struggling to close out games. You have a full compliment of players. What going on?

Doc: Like the Isley Brothers said in their song “I turned you on but I can’t turn you off”

Interviewer: What exactly does that mean? The Celtics are not sharing drugs with other teams are they. Are they really turning them on? Is there any left cause that shit must be good?

Doc: Very funny! What I meant was that we let teams back into games and once we do that it is near impossible to shut them down again.

Interviewer: I want to ask you about the status of several players. How is KG feeling? He really seems to be limping all over the court. He has been doing a pretty good imitation of Grand Pappi Amos. And the real McCoys!

Doc: Well I might as well tell you the truth about KG. Several months ago a decision was made to replace his leg with a prosthetic one. That’s why he appears so gimpy. He only has one leg. His real leg is still in rehab and we expect it to arrive around the playoffs. Considering the leg substitution you have to admit that he is playing pretty damn good.

Interviewer: What about Paul Pierce. First it was the knee and now he has the high ankle sprain. What’s the story with him? He looked tired against the Hornets.

Doc: He’s great isn’t he? Paul was in the game but decided to conserve his energy for the allstar game and the 3 point shooting contest. That’s where his focus is right now and we can’t wait to see how he does.

Interviewer: What about Ray Allen. He missed the game with back spasm. Was this a sudden occurrence because there was no indication that he was having any problems?

Doc: Ray’s fine. With all the talk about him being traded he figure if he faked an injury no one would want him and we would be stuck with him. Ray’s got a really high basketball IQ so he made a rare sympathy move that no one expected. You gotta love em!

Interviewer: Continuing on, what about the rumor regarding Big baby? Opps I’m sorry, I mean Uno Uno?

Doc: Uno Uno, I mean Glen…I mean baby is fine. He is playing well and the thumb sucking proves that his thumb is ok. We like baby and have no intentions to trade him unless we can make a good deal for a PG like the kid DJ Augustin. Of course no one from our organization has spoken to the Bobcats about any trades. It’s just another internet rumor.

Interviewer: Some analysts have suggested that the problem with the Celtics is one of age. You have too many players that can no longer bring it every night. How would you respond to that assertion?

Doc: I’m really not sure how old our players are. I haven’t seen any birth cetificates. Have you? I think that unless you can prove that they are really that old then it is really a dumb question to ask.

Interviewer: Sorry. So you do not think that age is a factor?

Doc: Well I’m well over 40 and I can still get out of bed in the morning and do other things that require physical activity. Based on that I do not see how age could be considered a factor.

Interviewer: So after the break is over what type of improvements are you looking for in the team?

Doc: Everything! One of the players came to me and said we are better than the YMCA team and I said no you’re not! You are not better than the YMCA team because you have not been able to beat them all year.

Interviewer: If it is not age then is the problem psychological? Are they struggling from the neck up?

Doc: Hell no we regularly bring the guys in for their psych evaluations and none of them are crazy with the exception of Rasheed Wallace. But like I said before Rasheed is Rasheed. I don’t want to change him. Every team needs a nut case.

Interviewer: Speaking of Rasheed, have you talked with him about shooting 3 pointers.

Doc: No I have talked to the entire team about 3 pointers. It’s part of our game and I figure that we just need to shoot more of them so that we have the odds in our favor of maybe having one or two more actually go in.

Doc” My wife is waiting for me.

Interviewer: Just one more question Doc. If you could tell Celtics fans one thing to help them feel more at ease with the struggles that the team has been going through, what would that be?

Doc: “That’s All Folks”