Tanking Ranking

We know it's going to happen.  Some of us are even on board as believing that it started a few months ago, when certain teams traded away their starting PG and didn't sign any free agents worth a damn in the off season (I don't want to mention any names, but I'm sure their city is just filled with brotherly love).  There is even an anonymous GM who is saying, not on record of course, that they are planning to tank (it is not the GM of the 76ers, since he references them as evidence that others are doing it too).  So, why not just admit it and track it?  If nothing else, we'll see if the effort produces the Grand Prize in the Andrew Wiggins Sweepstakes.  Obviously, if more than one team is doing it, they can't all get #1, but we can see just what it took to do it (and laugh our asses off if the team that tried to tank the worst got stiffed on lottery day).

And so, on to the Tanking Rankings, per Hardwood Houdini, as of season opening week.  Welcome to Tankapalooza!


http://sircharlesincharge.com/2013/10/29/nba-tanking-ranking-season-opening-week/


NBA Tanking Ranking: Season Opening Week
Oct 29th, 2013 at 11:00 am by Michael SaenzMVP


There are some bad teams in the NBA and then there are some really bad teams in the NBA. They stink more than my– I’ll stop there.
Anyways, they’re bad. So we decided to make a ranking for them since, ya know, tanking is going to be so popular in the NBA this season. Forget power rankings, we know the Miami Heatare always going to top that, but who’s leading the tanking ranking?? Yes, we want to make that a thing.

So let’s get this thing started. First, we’ll sectionalize them by levels of smell, just to make it interesting. Here we go…
(HIS NOTE, NOT MINE: This is a preseason ranking and none is based on how they’ve played in preseason because we all know that it doesn’t matter.)

SMELLY UNDERWEAR – Bad, but manageable.
10. (10) Los Angeles Lakers – It’s official, Kobe is out for the season opener.
9. (9) Toronto Raptors — I want to see how they look before I take them out of this ranking. If all goes well, we shouldn’t see them on this list anymore this season.
8. ( Utah Jazz – The Jazz have talent, let’s see them start to develop it. I’m expecting big things from Derrick Favors.

USED DIAPERS – A little worse than dirty underwear, but the smell is very much noticeable.
7. (7) Milwaukee Bucks – Did you know the Bucks were the most searched NBA team on Yahoo! during the past 30 days? Weird.
6. (5) Sacramento Kings – They have so much potential. Too bad potential doesn’t win you anything in the NBA, right? BTW, Ben McLemore is the Rookie of the Year.

ROADKILL – Man, you smell that? What’d we hit?
5. (6) Phoenix Suns – Nothing has changed. Eric Bledsoe and not much else. Oh yea, and now they traded Shannon Brown and Marcin Gortat. Eh.
4. (4) Charlotte Bobcats – Al Jefferson…anybody?

DEAD FISH – Yeap, they’re dead. Where are the close pins?
3. (3) Boston Celtics – I have Kelly Olynyk winning the Rookie of the Year award. That’s good, right?
2. (2) Orlando Magic — The Magic might not be as bad as I have them here, but let’s see how they do in week 1.
1. (1)  Philadelphia 76ers – I’m rooting for Michael Carter-Williams this season but God help him.




bob
MY NOTE:  Just as a pet peeve, if you're going to write, especially for a living like this guy, you should probably be sure your references don't stink as bad as the teams you're reviewing.  They're called 'clothes' pins, not 'close' pins.  Also, I don't see any way we're worse than Phoenix, although they've got some beef and we've got Vitor.  Period.  One thing I really like about this column is that he categorizes the tankees in highly odious-named categories (used diapers?  Yuck).  That's how tankers should be referred to, like they're a bunch of losers in more ways than one.

.

Boston kept Green and Rondo, that should eliminate the whole "tanking" label.

I think one problem is that there's too many teams now. The talent isn't spread like it was before thanks to collusion.



KJ

Z-z-z-z-z-z-z/ Somebody say something?

Sam